M a r t i n    K i h n

   Head can't believe it's not butter.




ARE YOU ready for the "Truth"? -

All the sentences below are actual quotations from real 'Author's Notes' in well-known books. (Sources at the end.)

"Author's Note" - by Martin Kihn

This is a work of nonfiction.

In this book there are no fictitious persons, nor fictitious events.(1) To avoid hurting the living or distressing the dead, certain proper names have been changed(2), deliberately misspelled, or artistically embellished.(3) Certain characteristics of the persons, dogs, and places involved - including the author's place of employment - have been altered.(4) In some cases I have compressed events; in others I have made two people into one.(5) For example, 'Kitsy' is a composite of several of the Mean Mommies I knew.(6) I've elected to change the names of every single person I met - both Indian and Western - at this Ashram in India.(7) The reason I have done so is that I did not want to feed into the cult of celebrity granted by this culture to charismastic villains.(8)

My quest was for accuracy, though it might have been hindered at times by the passage of sixty-odd years.(9) There may be other views of some elements of these accounts that are equally valid.(10) Memories are like that.(11) My mother thinks that a dog I describe as ugly was actually quite handsome.(12) After all these years, everyone has their own mauve.(13)

I do not intend the quoted statements in this book to be taken as absolute truths.(14) They are probably not word-for-word documentation.(15) I did not keep contemporaneous notes of my conversations with taxpayers, coworkers, or any other persons.(16) My efforts to render foreign accents are not intended to ridicule any person or national group.(17) I have chosen to use these individuals' slang, graphic descriptions, and vulgar language because they accurately reflect the way in which people think about and discuss pornography.(18) Oh, hell, some of the dialogue was invented altogether.(19)

Though this is a work of nonfiction, I have taken certain storytelling liberties.(20) It is a subjective truth, altered by the mind of a recovering drug addict and alcoholic.(21) My difficulty in telling this story was compounded by the deficits in my memory, language, and organizational skills.(22) Some of the scenes in this book will not make much sense to anybody except the people who were involved in them.(23) I cannot be sure that the individuals in question are psychopaths.(24)

For reasons sufficient to the writer, many places, people, observations and impressions have been left out of this book.(25) Some really great sex scenes were omitted, at the request of those who are now married or involved(26), in the interest of protecting their privacy, particularly that of people who were minors at the time.(27) To anyone whose name I did not recall or omitted, I offer sincere apologies.(28) I never expected the book to become as successful as it has.(21)

Because I am a long-term prisoner who has been convicted of a crime, some readers may consider me prone to prevarication or exaggeration.(29) But the reader needs to know that I have been given no reason to feel bitterly toward or estranged from my former employer.(30) I attach no blame to any of the characters.(31) By writing their stories, I hope to dismiss the myth of animal-like underground dwellers.(32)

The facts in this story are true insofar as any memory is ever truthful.(33) Everything in this book really happened, but some of the things that happened only happened in my head.(34) To my amazement I have come to realize that publishers are inundated with egoists.(35) If the reader prefers, this book may be regarded as fiction.(25)



(1) Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, "The Gulag Archipelago 1918-1956"
(2) Vladimir Nabokov, "Speak, Memory: An Autobiography Revisited"
(3) Kathryn Bertine, "All the Sundays Yet to Come: A Skater's Journey"
(4) Lee Harrington, "Rex and the City: A Memoir of a Woman, a Man, and a Dysfunctional Dog"
(5) Ruth Reichl, "Tender at the Bone: Growing Up at the Table"
(6) Wade Rouse, "Confessions of a Prep School Mommy Handler"
(7) Elizabeth Gilbert, "Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia"
(8) Terri Jentz, "Strange Piece of Paradise"
(9) Marjorie Hart, "Summer at Tiffany"
(10) Laurence Gonzales, "Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why"
(11) Mike O'Connor - "Crisis, Purused by Disaster, Followed Closely by Catastrophe: A Memoir of Life on the Run"
(12) Tobias Wolff, "This Boy's Life: A Memoir"
(13) Simon Garfield, "Mauve: How One Man Invented a Color That Changed the World"
(14) Geoffrey Kurland, "My Own Medicine: A Doctor's Life as a Patient"
(15) Joe Andoe, "Jubilee City: A Memoir at Full Speed"
(16) Richard Yancey, "Confessions of a Tax Collector: One Man's Tour of Duty Inside the IRS"
(17) Gelsey Kirkland with Greg Lawrence, "Dancing on My Grave: An Autobiography"
(18) Pamela Paul, "Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families"
(19) Martha Kimes, "Ivy Briefs: True Tales of a Neurotic Law Student"
(20) John Berendt, "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil"
(21) James Frey, "A MIllion Little Pieces"
(22) Claudia L. Osborn, "Over My Head: A Doctor's Own Story of Head Injury from the Inside Looking Out"
(23) Hunter S. Thompson, "The Great Shark Hunt: Strange Tales from a Strange Time"
(24) Robert D. Hare, "Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us"
(25) Ernest Hemingway, "A Moveable Feast: Sketches of the Author's Life in Paris in the Twenties"
(26) Dave Eggers, "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius"
(27) Julia Scheeres, "Jesus Land: A Memoir"
(28) Chris Gardner with Quincy Troupe, "The Pursuit of Happyness"
(29) Michael G. Santos "Inside: Life Behind Bars in America"
(30) Michael Lewis "Liar's Poker: Rising Through the Wreckage on Wall Street"
(31) Pattie Boyd with Penny Junor, "Wonderful Tonight: George Harrison, Eric Clapton, and Me"
(32) Jennifer Toth, "The Mole People: Life in the Tunnels Beneath New York City"
(33) Azar Nafisi, "Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books"
(34) Geoff Dyer, "Yoga for People Who Can't Be Bothered To Do It"
(35) Birgit Nilsson, "La Nilsson: My Life in Opera"